When my daughter was four, she invented a best friend who went everywhere with us. At first it was sweet. They whispered secrets at bedtime, went on pretend adventures, and turned every walk into a story. But soon her friend needed a car seat, a plate at dinner, even space in the grocery cart. One afternoon I accidentally put shopping bags on the back seat and heard a scream from the car seat behind me. Apparently, I had just crushed the invisible guest.

At that point I realised I wasn't just parenting my child anymore, I was parenting her imagination too.

If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. Many preschoolers create imaginary friends between ages three and six. It's one of the clearest signs of a growing mind. Pretend play is how young children practice empathy, storytelling, and problem solving before they can fully explain their thoughts in words.

Still, when the imaginary friend starts running your household, it can push even the most patient parent to the edge.

Why kids create imaginary friends

From a brain perspective, imaginary friends are a kind of emotional gym. The parts of the brain that manage planning and self control, mainly the prefrontal cortex, are still developing fast at this age. Meanwhile the limbic system, which handles feelings and impulses, is already powerful. Pretend play gives the brain a safe way to link those two systems.

So when your child insists you treat their invisible friend as real, their nervous system is actually practising how to coordinate thought and emotion. They are testing empathy, what it feels like to be someone else, and experimenting with power and control in a world where they often feel small.

In short, it's not misbehaviour. It's learning in disguise.

What helps when it gets too much

The first instinct is usually to correct or reason. Sweetheart, she's not real. But logic rarely works on a brain still wired for imagination. What helps more is calm consistency.

You can set gentle boundaries that give the imagination room to breathe without letting it take over. Try something like, your friend can come to playtime and story time, but not in the car or at dinner. Keep that rule steady and don't feed the drama when your child protests. The less energy you give the conflict, the faster it fades.

A parent on Reddit once described it perfectly. They stopped arguing with the ghost and just drew clear lines about where the friend could join. Over time, the friend drifted away naturally once their child had more real life routines and playmates.

Humour also helps. Some parents make the imaginary friend part of the solution. Oh no, is Fifi being squashed by the grocery bags. Wait, she says she actually wants to help carry them on her lap. Turning frustration into play keeps the emotional tone light, which keeps your child's stress system from going into overdrive.

What other parents have shared

One mum said her son's imaginary friend, Richard the crocodile, had a whole backstory, a red Mercedes, a quarry job, even a family in North Dakota. Another parent's daughter had a unicorn who loved baked cheese snacks and rode on the roof of their car. These stories sound funny, but they reveal something deeper. Kids use imagination to process real world experiences.

When a parent respects that process without letting it run the show, it teaches a subtle but powerful lesson. Emotions are allowed, but they have limits. That's how emotional regulation starts to grow.

When to worry and when not to

Most children outgrow imaginary friends by six or seven. It usually fades as social circles expand and the brain matures. You only need to worry if the imaginary world seems to cause lasting distress, violent themes, or isolation from real friends. Even then, the first step is simply to talk with your child, not to banish the friend outright.

Otherwise, see it as a stage of healthy creativity. A few years from now you might even miss the days when you had an extra guest at dinner.

The bigger picture

Every challenging phase of childhood, whether it's imaginary friends, meltdowns, or bedtime battles, starts with the same brain truth. Your child isn't giving you a hard time, their brain is having a hard time.

When you understand what's happening underneath the behaviour, it's easier to stay calm and connected. You start to see patterns instead of chaos.

That's the idea behind ParentLens, a small tool that helps parents decode what's going on inside their child's brain in moments of stress. It's not about fixing kids, it's about helping parents see clearly, respond calmly, and feel confident in what their child needs most.

If this story resonated, try reading more insights like this at ParentLens.app, where neuroscience meets everyday parenting, one messy, beautiful moment at a time.